The Language I Almost Forgot to Give my Children
Spanish was my first language. Yet, somehow, when I became a mother, I almost didn’t speak it to my daughters.
My parents were both born in Mexico and came to the United States when they were 17. Until I started preschool around three-years-old, Spanish was the only language I spoke and understood. Apparently, preschool was a complete shock to three-year-old me. After my very first day, I came home and demanded that my mom sign me up for “Inglés Sin Barreras.” If you know, you know!
The funny thing is, I don't remember ever learning English. It just sort of happened. Within a few years, I was fluent in both languages, moving between English and Spanish without thinking about it. Spanish was the language of my parents, my family, my home. English was the language of school and the world outside of it. Somehow, both became mine.
I remember how my mom would hand the phone to me whenever she needed to negotiate with Dish Network. She’d press the phone into my ear and say, “Dile que nos cambiaremos a otro proveedor si los números no bajan.”
Eight year old me, completely confident, would say, “Hi. Excuse me, but my mom says if you don’t lower the bill, we’re switching providers.”
I was proud that I could move between those two worlds so easily. Being bilingual wasn’t something I thought about. It was simply part of who I was.
It wasn't until I spent more time in Mexico that I realized something: there were a lot of Spanish words I didn't know. I could carry a conversation. I could translate. I could switch back and forth. However, longer conversations, different expressions, certain vocabulary… suddenly I was aware of the gaps.
I just didn't know yet how much those gaps would matter once I became a mother.
Enter Motherhood
My daughter Mia's first year of life was not what I expected. She had a medical condition and underwent two surgeries, and for a long time, my body and mind were simply in survival mode. My mom would ask me about Spanish and it just wasn’t a priority. So I spoke to her in English. My husband is Italian but doesn't speak Italian, so English was the natural language of our home. And honestly, at the time, I didn't think much of it. Until one day.
Mia was about 15 months old. The survival mode had started to lessen, and I was pushing her on the swings at a playground. Next to me was a nanny from Colombia. She was speaking Spanish to a little girl whose parents, I later learned, didn't speak Spanish, and the little girl responded so naturally and beautifully in Spanish.
I looked at my own daughter. I was pushing her on the swing saying, “Ready, set, go." I almost fell to the ground.
That moment stayed with me. I remember thinking, Wait. Why am I not speaking Spanish to my own child? So, I made an executive decision. I switched so abruptly and went all in.
Mia gave me a few very confused looks for the first few days. Then, something incredible happened. She started understanding me and responding to me in Spanish. My husband was completely on board. He continued speaking English to her, with the occasional Spanish he knew, and I committed to Spanish.
And when I say committed, I mean I went all in! I have an intense nature when I decide to go big. Because I quickly realized that Spanish wasn't just going to happen for my children the way English happened to me. I had to be intentional.
Suddenly, I was realizing just how much Spanish I did not know. How do you say “countertop” in Spanish? How do you say “stacking blocks”? Nursery rhymes didn't exactly roll off my tongue. Plus, add in the daily struggles of motherhood to the equation…ahh! At first, I found it hard to speak it when I was tired or frustrated. Sometimes I just needed my toddler to stop what she was doing! You know, the moments when your nervous system has hit its limit and the easiest thing in the world would be to just say it in English. So, I had to make another decision. I couldn't just commit to speaking Spanish to my children. I had to recommit to Spanish myself.
The first thing I did was to revisit my early Spanish teachers - aka my novelas! Yes, RBD, Rubi, Teresa, lol. At the same time, I was deep into learning about holistic living and healthy, clean eating, so I started listening to podcasts in Spanish and consuming information that way. Little by little, Spanish became part of my world again. By this time, I had my second daughter, Ellie and felt confident speaking to her in Spanish from the start. I continued to fill their world with songs, books, fingerplays, and bilingual events.
Learning through Connection
But somewhere along the way, I realized something even more important. The moments when Spanish came most naturally weren't the “learning” moments. They were the moments when we were connected through being silly, singing, laughing.
People often ask me, “Wow, how did you teach your daughters Spanish?”
The truth is, I never sat my daughters down for a formal Spanish lesson.
I made Spanish a living language. A language that connected us. Perhaps most importantly, I had to let go of perfection. I had to be okay with not knowing a word. I had to be okay with substituting an English word when the Spanish one wouldn't come to me. Because speaking imperfect Spanish was still infinitely more valuable than not speaking it at all.
Today, my daughters are two and four. Both are bilingual. English is becoming the more dominant language, and that makes sense. Their environment calls for it. They hear English everywhere. They hear it from other children. They hear it in the world around them. Between each other, they probably speak about 70% English and 30% Spanish. And I'm not discouraged by that. In fact, I'm excited to watch it evolve. Bilingualism is something we all continue to nurture.
This year, I'm thinking even more intentionally about how to protect Spanish in our home. Homeschooling gives me the opportunity to weave Spanish into our days in a way that feels natural. I am also so excited about Casa Miel. Because I don't just want my girls to speak Spanish. I want Spanish to belong in their childhood. I want them to associate it with community and friendship. Finally, I want to create a space for other families who feel that same pull - to pass down a language, a culture, a rhythm, and ultimately a piece of themselves.
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Up Next: How I am protecting Spanish in my home this upcoming school year.
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